There is a big misconception in regards to termination in surrogacy. We can always thank the media for that. While there are the few negative stories and the negative publicity that is with everything. Let us not forget the amazing, touching, heart bursting stories that keep the rest of us driven for an industry that is truly rewarding and amazing.
I’ve had some girls recently who signed up to become carriers thinking that Intended Parents might just change their mind and decide to terminate a pregnancy for no reason. Education in surrogacy is vital to understanding where an Intended Parent is coming from. First of all Intended Parents (IPs) are not turning to surrogacy just by chance. This is a process that is thought out and planned for financially. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can take months and even years before an IP decides to begin their surrogate journey. They don’t have the luxury others have who decide to have a baby and then boom, they are pregnant. If you go back and read our article on why people use a gestational carrier you will find it is for many different reasons.
With that said parents aren’t going to put close to and sometimes more than $100,000 into having a child unless they didn’t want this child with everything in them. I don’t know your background but let me be real for a moment and share that the child I adopted took a LOT out of my household. I wouldn’t have gone to the ends of the earth to make it happen if I didn’t want her with every breath in me.
The reason we discuss termination in surrogacy is for the unlikely chance that a genetic abnormality is found during pregnancy. This is tough and not something we take lightly. Nobody wants to have this conversation. Nobody wants to have to make this heart-wrenching decision. However; when we are dealing with a surrogacy arrangement and not your everyday “we’re pregnant” situation we have to have these very difficult conversations from the beginning. If this bridge has to be crossed it’s imperative we find out from the beginning that everyone is on the same page.
As a surrogate this is the unfortunate subject that turns many away. Termination in surrogacy is the toughest part about being a carrier of someone else’s child. It is something that needs to be thought about and determined before a journey begins and also before a match can be made. Removing ourselves is a must. Intended Parents are the ones who will live with the long term in this. We must not judge as we have no idea what it is like to have to plan long term care for a child knowing we won’t be here long enough to care for them. We need to understand what it can do to a marriage and family when we ourselves are aging and have aging parents and/or siblings. Most who turn to surrogacy are older as they’ve gone years with planning a different path to parenthood. It pains me to say that most do want the option to terminate for lifelong abnormalities that will create a lifelong commitment not just for them but for the family members they leave behind as well. It is always our prayer that these decisions never have to be made and that the fetus naturally pass if there were an abnormality.