Many intended parents share with me that location is the most important criteria in a surrogate.  I disagree.  Location can fall in the nice to have category.  The carrier’s outlook towards surrogacy and like-minded attitude with intended parents for the entire pregnancy is the most valuable criteria.  In my 20-years of industry experience, I have learned that an ideal surrogate possesses the following qualities:

• Clear understanding of expectations, of medications, and of healthy habits
• Commitment to meet the demands and requirements of ultrasound monitoring, blood testing and the time sensitivity involved in an In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) cycle
• Mature and responsible attitude to care for self and your baby
• Awareness of what it means emotionally and physically to give up a baby that is not hers after birth

It is true that surrogates reap the rewards of financial remuneration for a surrogacy arrangement, however in my experience quality surrogates also possess caring and altruistic characteristics.  It is a combination of these attributes that make  a quality surrogate.

It is imperative to remember that not all states have equal surrogacy laws.  You want your candidate to reside in a state that has appropriate laws which align with your specific individual circumstances. Furthermore, travel to your doctor’s office twice during the surrogacy is the least expensive component and distance is not a factor that greatly impacts the overall cost of surrogacy  significantly.

IVF is one of those processes that force all of us to realize that we do not have control as there is no guarantee of pregnancy success despite following every protocol and medication to the tee.  Often to compensate for this lack of control, intended parents want a surrogate nearby so they can attend every doctor appointment and maintain close tabs on the surrogate.  However, the truth of the matter is that no one can monitors a surrogate 24 hours a day.  There must be a level of trust for this perfect stranger to carry your most prized asset. You must be willing to TRUST your surrogate, which is why it is so critical to find a candidate who understands her responsibilities, takes care of herself and the baby during pregnancy, and will honor her agreements and commitment to you.

Finally, I also ask my clients to consider what type of relationship they desire and expect with a surrogate during pregnancy and after birth. Is it ideal to have a surrogate in your neighborhood after birth? Or would a bit of distance after birth be more comfortable?

Mindy Berkson

Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC