Barbara, 35, stay-at-home mom, two-time surrogate, Tampa, Florida
I’m a surrogate because I enjoy being pregnant, and I’m now preparing for my third surrogacy. It will be my last unless this couple would like a sibling for their child, because the thought of looking for another couple is not for me. That’s one of the hardest parts of the process. Anyone you meet on the phone or on the Internet can make themselves out to be whatever they want—and that applies to both the surrogate and the intended parents. So, I always meet the people in person.
Not everybody can be a surrogate emotionally, whether gestational or traditional. And for anyone who hasn’t completed her family, it’s a bad idea not only for medical reasons, but emotionally as well. My kids are 12 and 10 years old, and I know I don’t want any more children of my own. But I don’t have problems being pregnant.
I was a volunteer firefighter and EMT during my first surrogacy, and I ran calls until I could no longer button up my bunker gear, which was at 36 weeks. Sometimes the intended parents don’t realize that the surrogate has to continue with her own life even while she’s pregnant, but it worked out just fine for us.
When I first talked about being a surrogate, a friend of mine in medical school said, “You can’t do that, you could die.” But I could walk out my front door and get hit by a truck, too; you never know. Someone has to be a surrogate, so it’ll be me.
For my own moral reasons, I am not an egg donor. My husband and I talked about it, and we didn’t want our kids to meet up with those kids [biological siblings] one day. Egg donation is not regulated at all, and I know people who have done donations eight times. What’s going to happen when those kids meet up and want to get married to a half-brother or sister? I don’t want to have anything to do with that.
My second surrogacy pregnancy was particularly special because it was the first time a cancer patient used her own frozen eggs. There was no better feeling than handing that baby over to his mother. It took three transfers to become pregnant, and we used the last four eggs in our final, successful attempt. At first, I had no clue what a huge deal this was and what it meant for cancer patients. Unfortunately, with joys come hard times as well, and I’m on my way to help my intended mom return home from the hospital because her cancer has returned. I’m going to help a member of my family: the mother of the beautiful surro baby I delivered.
We are happy to become your advocate at Surrogates Across America to insure you gain a positive experience from the blessing gained by being a surrogate.