I can’t imagine my life without my own four boys. When I started researching surrogacy, it broke my heart that so many people who wanted children their whole lives couldn’t have them. It took me four years to convince my husband that wanting to be a surrogate wasn’t just a phase I was going through, that it was something that I truly wanted to do. We compromised, and I started with egg donation first.
The intended father from my first donation is now widowed with two children, and he sends the surrogates and me flowers on Mother’s Day. He said, “I sent you these flowers because if you weren’t a mom, I wouldn’t be a dad.” He knows that we helped him because we love our own families so much.
As for surrogacy, I view it as a “pre-birth nanny,” a babysitter who doesn’t have to change diapers or wake up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby. I get to feel the babies play in my belly, and I have cravings and get to eat the food that I want without too much guilt over the weight gain. I get a lot of questions about both surrogacy and egg donation, and I have no problem talking about it to anyone, including my own children. They are 11, 10, 8, and 6. The lovely thing about kids is that they have no prejudice about how babies come into this world; for my kids surrogacy is normal.
My parents taught me that if you want to be happy you will be, and if you want to be blessed you must help others, and if you want to grow you must be willing to be taught. To keep the balance of life, you must give back, and so I began more extensive research on surrogacy. Anja Morehouse and I started the Koru Surrogacy & Beyond agency to continue to help others become parents by aiding egg donor and surrogacy matches along with providing support, guidance, knowledge, and peace of mind even when our bodies are no longer serving as surrogates or providing eggs. To us, our job doesn’t end when a match is made but rather when our members tell us they no longer need us.
People ask about the money, but I didn’t need the money. And really, no amount of money is worth risking your life. People also ask about the emotional connection with surrogacy, but to me, a son or daughter is someone you raise, and I’m not raising these children. I have my boys, and my gestational surrogacy couple have their girls. With donating eggs, a lot of people look at it as donating my genetics, but I look at it as donating hope.
Photo courtesy of Kookkai_nak: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
If you would like more information about surrogacy and egg donation, please contact Surrogates Across America.